


Here Comes A Thought

by ThePancakePenguin



Series: Mindful Education [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hallucinations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:26:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8061703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePancakePenguin/pseuds/ThePancakePenguin
Summary: In the aftermath, Josh still isn't okay.But he's getting there.A direct sequel to "Why Won't You Speak (Standing Cowardly)"





	

**Author's Note:**

> The amount of feedback I've gotten on my first work is astounding. I have so many ideas in my head and now that I know people I don't know will read them I'll get off my butt and put them on paper (or a microsoft word document and then post here)
> 
> Based on the song "Here Comes A Thought" from Steven Universe.
> 
> Still meant to be just a really strong friendship. Everybody's a little homo with their bestie, but what ever floats your boat (or ship)

Josh is curled up on the couch again, staring into the swirling colors of his right arm. A calloused finger gently traces the roots and truck of the tree inked into his skin. He doesn't know why he's doing this. Today had been good. The voice hadn't uttered a word since his breakdown a few weeks back, so why did he need to distract himself? Was is because of...? No. Definitely not that. He was over that. It was in the past. He's fine now. He's fine. Why would he still be bothered by-

"Josh? Why are you still awake?" Tyler whispered from the doorway to the bunks, effectively bringing the drummer back to reality.

Tyler had been sleeping better now, taking a break from writing to get some much needed rest. Unfortunately, that meant mid-day naps, which led to less sleeping during darker hours. It wasn't a surprise he was out of his bunk only two hours after laying down, but Josh had a feeling it had less to do with restlessness and more to do with Tyler's "Josh Senses" tingling.

The drummer only shrugged in response, going back to tracing his arm. Josh didn't really want to bother Tyler with something so ridiculous. Not that there was anything bothering him.

Tyler looked unconvinced, moving to sit on the other side of the couch. "You sure?" He'd picked up on Josh's nervous tic, and he didn't like that Josh was hiding things again. When he settled by Josh's feet, he decided to go off a hunch and ask "Is it because of...the video?"

The silence that followed was the only answer he needed. Tyler sighed, "Josh..."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. And it's not just that...it's everything else."

As predicted, Josh's "incident" made almost every online platform explode. Videos were posted mere hours after the event. They documented his fall from every angle, from the unfortunate ones underneath him to the fans in the back recording the screens. Josh had been scrolling through Twitter when he'd found a link to one from somebody quite close to him. He'd watched with morbid fascination as he dropped like a ragdoll into a crowd of terrified fans. News outlets swarmed to it, which of course led to rumors starting. False information spread like a wildfire, eventually leading people to believe he was on drugs to it being some publicity stunt. The label did their best to clear things up by saying Josh was fine, but the damage had been done.

Josh didn't like lying to the fans anyway.

Tyler could practically hear the gears in Josh's head whirring out of control, and he quickly searched for a distraction. He took the hand of the arm Josh was subconsciously digging his nails into and held it out in between them, gently stroking his knuckles in an attempt to soothe him.

"You know, while it was uncool of some of them to start rumors, the fans are just worried. They care about you, and you really scared them. They just want to make sure you're okay."

Josh leaned his head back and let out a frustrated groan. "I know! It's nice that they care, but..." He looked back up to Tyler. "You know how whenever we put on a show, we give everything to them? We lay everything out for them, and we're completely vulnerable?" Tyler nodded, understanding exactly what his friend was describing.

"I do that almost every night, but... _that?_ That was different. We're supposed to be strong for them, Tyler. We're supposed to show them that you can deal with those things without them dragging you down. These past few months have been the exact opposite for me, and I couldn't keep it together long enough to finish a show for them. I just..."Josh stopped his rambling with a shaky breath. "I just wish it never happened."

"You and me both."

Josh seemed to curl up more, like he thought if he could make himself small enough he could disappear. Which is the exact opposite of what Tyler wanted.

Suddenly, Tyler was struck with a brilliant idea, making him gasp aloud.

"What?"

"Why didn't I think of this earlier? It's perfect!"

"Tyler, you aren't making any sense."

"Come with me," Tyler stood, pulling Josh up. "I know what we can do that might help."

"Tyler I don't really-" Josh started to turn away.

"Josh," the singer forced his friend to look at him. "Do you trust me?" Josh looked ready to protest, but slumped with a sigh. "Of course I do, Tyler."

Tyler gave him a satisfied smile and lead Josh by the hand to the back studio. The drummer hoped the heat from his face didn't travel down to his fingers. When they entered the studio, Tyler sat in the middle of the room with his legs crossed. Josh sat across him in the same position.

"I told you how I got the idea for Blurryface, right?"

"I think you might have mentioned something before we had a new album produced," Josh huffed.

Tyler rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Well, yeah. But what we're about to try, it really helped me get the idea to form. The success we've had might not have happened if I didn't discover this thing, and it's really helped me with my writing these past few weeks. I have a feeling it might help you too."

Josh raised an eyebrow. "And that would be...?"

"As humans, we need balance in our lives. It's a basic necessity. When we are without that stability, things start to fall apart. To find balance you need to understand what's causing the imbalance. To understand the imbalance, you need to be able to see it clearly without running from it. You need to visualize that imbalance and counteract it."

"You've said something like that before. Give 'it' life, a seat at the table, so it can be properly addressed. You gave Blurryface life so you could defeat him."

"I at least I made it easier to fight him, I don't think he'll ever truly go away." A shadow seemed to cross Tyler's face at that, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. "But yes, that's exactly what it is."

"So, you want me to come up with my own Blurryface?"

"If that's what you _need_ to do. It took me years before I was able to give it a name, but just having a visual helps things more than you'd expect. You can work on your own character later if you want, we're only going to do the basics right now." Tyler leveled him with a look of pure sincerity. "And don't worry, I'm going to walk you through this. Give you an example, even. This gets pretty personal, so I don't want you to be embarrassed about anything. Just go with your gut. Think of the best way to calm yourself down, and let it help you. Don't get hung up on if it's good enough or what it might say about you. That's Blurry talking."

"Okay. Okay. Let's do it." Josh didn't really know what to expect, but tried not to let that get to him. He let his hands rest on his thighs, hoping Tyler wouldn't notice their slight tremble.

"Close your eyes," Tyler instructed softly. Josh obeyed without hesitation.

_"Breathe."_

Eventually, all sound but his own heartbeat and breathing faded. He felt like he was floating away.

"Open your eyes."

When he finally did, all Josh could do was gape in awe.

Instead of the studio, he and Tyler sat across from each other on an empty plane. An ethereal, lilac glow made everything even more breathtaking. Josh couldn't help but twist his body to see if he could find anything, but he and Tyler sat alone.

Or so he thought.

"Look over there, J." Tyler had turned his head to the right.

Josh followed his gaze and saw...Tyler? He looked back and forth. Tyler was sitting across from him, but he was also a good forty feet away, standing motionless with his eyes closed.

"I'm going to show you how this works, and then you'll do it," the Tyler across from him said calmly.

The other Tyler's eyes opened and was filled with sudden life. He didn't seem to notice the two other people as he took in his surroundings. He seemed confused, as if he had no memory of how he had ended up there.

There was a flap of wings, and a small white bird glided to him. It's glow was brighter than the purple that made up the rest of the plane. It circled around him and opened it's beak, apparently saying something, but the words were unintelligible. They clearly made sense to Tyler though, as he had flinched like he'd been struck, backing away from the bird.

"Something will happen, and it won't leave you alone, no matter how much you try to forget about it," the Tyler across from Josh explained, drawing his attention back to the singer. "It will start small, but eventually, it will swarm you. Every little thing seems to matter so much."

"H-hey! Ow! Stop it! Get off me!"

Josh looked back at the shout. He's failed to notice the flock that had suddenly gathered around the other Tyler. Their white feathers seemed to suck the red out of the plane, leaving it a cool blue as they formed into a scarlet cloud. Tyler was swatting at them, but that only seemed to aggravate them further. The birds would peck and scratch while screaming in an unknown language as Tyler tried to run. His head snapped in Josh's direction, eyes widening.

"Hey! Help!" Tyler only got few steps before he was attacked and forced to the ground. He hid his face to protect his eyes and ears, letting out a sob as he was surrounded by shrieking birds.

"Tyler!" Josh tried to move, but it was like the bottom half of his body was frozen. One of the birds fluttered around the two of them, and Tyler held out a hand for it to land on. Unlike the others, this one had kept it's ivory feathers, and remained silent as Tyler cupped it in his palms.

"You see the imbalance? The red and blue are separating, and one is becoming stronger than the other. There's too much red. We need to add more blue to put it back in balance," Tyler gently stroked the birds wings, and it's glow shifted to a powder blue. He released it in the direction of the murderous cloud, alone.

The blue bird weaved through the flock, and the chaotic beating of wings slowly became less aggressive. The colors leaked out of the birds, making them blend into purple once again. The other Tyler fearfully lifted his head, inspecting the now peaceful white birds. They flew lower and started to shrink, circling in one spot in front of him. He scrambled back, expecting another attack, but they only got closer to each other, massing together into a glowing silhouette. The shimmering feathers broke apart, and in their place was a woman.

Jenna.

Tyler immediately reached out for her, and Jenna sank to her knees and wrapped her arms around him. He clung to her as she stroked his back and whispered encouraging words. The purplish light grew stronger around them, and they disappeared when it dimmed.

"Jenna is one thing that brings me balance. She isn't the only one that appears. It could be my parents, my siblings, my friends, you." Josh decided not to think too much about how Tyler separated him from his family and friends. "My point is that I'm able to rely on multiple things to bring me back to stability. Don't be afraid of what might appear for you, Josh. You have no real control over it, and there's no shame in what will help you."

Josh suddenly felt his vision split. In one eye, he was still sitting across from Tyler. In the other, he was standing alone in the violet void. He shook his head to clear it, and Tyler was gone.

He was alone.

He turned around. "Tyler?"

Nothing.

There was a flap of wings behind him.

Josh spun around and narrowly avoided being hit in the face by one of three birds. The one that nearly clocked him opened it's beak.

 **"Tyler has other friends, he doesn't need you,"** and _oh my god why was that his voice?_ Before he could question it any further, one of the birds darted forward and pecked his arm.

"Ow! Hey, what are you- ow!" The other two birds joined in, clawing at his legs. **"The fans don't even like you, you're useless." "All you do is ruin everyone's plans."**

He tried to swat them away, but one of the birds sunk it's talons into his shoulder and dragged him to his knees and  _that was definatly real there's blood coming out it hurts so bad oh my god._ His attackers relent briefly and he clutches his shoulder in a feeble attempt to stop the blood. He tries to stand when unbearable pain shoots across his back and  _something is inside of him it's trying to tear him apart from the inside out._

Josh screams as the skin of his back is ripped open as hundreds of birds escape, their feathers dripping with blood. He rolls over, his back staining the azure ground. He's forced to watch as the crimson birds group together and glow brighter. There was a noise steadily growing in volume...cheers? There was a fuzzy image was forming in the light but he couldn't te-

_Oh no._

Josh knew exactly what this was, and just like before, he couldn't look away.

He watched himself climb onto his platform with shaky legs. The Josh on the screen's eyes rolled back as he tilted forward, falling over his drums and onto shocked pit members. The birds disbanded with Tyler's voice echoing "JOSH!" across the plane.

He pushed himself up with difficulty, tears flowing from his eyes. He was too weak to slap the bird that landed on his knee, digging it's claws in and glaring at him with beady eyes.

**"Pathetic"**

_Pain pain pain so much pain too much make it stop make it stop too much too much-_

_There's too much red._

_Needs more blue._

_Balance. He needs to find balance. Balance it balance it balance it get help get help help help HELP-_

Josh flinches violently enough to scare away the bird when he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. He whips his head around and raises a hand, ready to defend himself, but it's caught before he can land a blow.

"Whoa! Josh, hey, relax, it's me."

"Tyler... Josh lets out a sob and throws himself onto his friend. The birds are white again and are flying away, but he can't risk letting go. If Tyler leaves, they might come back to kill him.

Lucky for him, Tyler doesn't seem to want to let go of him either, running his hand down Josh's bloody back and shoulder, making the wounds close and the pain leave. "I'm right here, J. I'm not going anywhere. It's in the past, we forgive you. It was just a bad thought. It's okay, you're okay."

Josh eventually looks up into the lavender sky, watching the snowy birds soar. He likes it here, being in Tyler's arms as they marvel in the beauty of...wherever they are. He and Tyler can watch the birds go by from here. Together.

He closes his eyes for a few moments, and when he opens them again, he's back on the bus, in the studio, sitting across from Tyler. His face is wet. Tyler is beaming at him.

"Good job J, you did so well. I'm so proud of you."

Josh gives a shy smile back and reaches up to dry his eyes. The softness in his own voice suprises him. "Ty...I...Thank you, Tyler, thank you _so_ much for that. Wow, I...I can't believe that...I feel...." Josh couldn't find the words.

"I wasn't lying you know." Tyler reached over and grasped Josh's hand. "I'm here."

"Yeah." Josh squeezed their interlocked fingers. "So am I."

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you could spend three minutes watching this: https://youtu.be/dHg50mdODFM
> 
> That'll give you an idea of what I was going for.
> 
> Tell me if I succeded.


End file.
